Helping employees who have been affected by the loss of colleagues, family or friends in the Tsunami disaster

News - 7th January 2005

Helping employees who have been affected by the loss of colleagues, family or friends in the Tsunami disaster

The impact of the appalling Tsunami disaster has affected people all around the world. Inevitably some UK businesses will be affected by the tsunami, either because employees lost their lives, or because the family or friends of employees died. Often people who are confronted by grieving colleagues are at a loss to know the best way to support them in their pain.

There are, however, a number of things that you can do to help a bereaved colleague:

• Encourage your colleague to talk about what they are going through. It is easy to assume that people in emotional distress want to be left alone. But this is usually not the case and more often than not it will help them to be able to voice their pain.
  
  
• Don't feel that you have to do something to somehow take the pain away. The best way to help a bereaved person is to be a supportive listener. Listening may seem passive, but it is actually an enormous help.
  
  
• Be sensitive to the fact that they may feel ashamed of being so upset. People often feel embarrassed about being in distress. Let them know that it is OK to be in pain and that you are not judging them.
  
  
• Don't try to lighten the situation by finding hidden positive aspects to it. Doing this will simply make the person feel that you don't understand them, increasing their sense of isolation in their grief.
  
  
• Don't compare their experience with ones you have had and suggest that you know what they are feeling. You can't know what they are going through but making the effort to try to find out how they are feeling will help them feel supported.
  
  
• Don't talk them out of the hope that friends and loved ones who are missing might have survived. Although the reality is that this is extremely unlikely, it is a normal part of grieving for someone to take a while to accept the reality of loss. They need to do this in their own time and this process is likely to be prolonged when the person is missing rather than confirmed dead.
  
  
• Expect the grieving process to take weeks and months. Managers in particular should recognise that a bereaved employee is likely to work less effectively than normal for a considerable period.
  
  
• There are often practical things that you can do to help a person going through the pain of bereavement, for example offering to help with childcare, housework, shopping, transport and similar matters. Volunteer to help - people in distress will often be hesitant to ask.
  
  
• If someone seems to be overwhelmed by their grief and simply not coping with the normal demands of daily life, encourage them to seek professional help. Employees of eligible organisations can seek support via the 24 hour Validium helpline. Alternatively counselling can be accessed through your GP or privately through organisations such as the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). See below for details.
  
  
• It is often extremely helpful for bereaved people to join a support group where they can meet others who are going through the same experience as themselves. To find out about bereavement support groups contact Cruse Bereavement Care the main charity offering support for people who have suffered bereavement. See below for details.

Details of Bereavement Charities and Counselling Organisations

CRUSE Bereavement Care
Leading bereavement charity in the UK offering helpline support and a wide range of information resources about bereavement.
Helpline: 0870 167 1677
Young person's helpline: 0808 808 1677
Email: helpline@crusebereavementcare.org.uk
Website: www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk

Winston's Wish
Charity specialising in supporting bereaved children and their families after a family death. Their website now carries articles on how to help children following the Tsunami.
Helpline: 0845 20 30 405
Website: www.winstonswish.org.uk

British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy
National organisation with on-line directory of counsellors in every part of the country
Helpline: 0870 443 5252
Website: www.bacp.co.uk

If you are eligible to receive services from Validium because your organisation has a contract with us, please don't hesitate to call your Validium helpline number, whether you are someone who has been directly impacted by the events or are a manager requiring guidance on helping those who have.